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I've had two babies, both bouncing, happy children now. Funny they can't remember me trying to breast feed when I so clearly remember the weeks of sobbing and crying....
Cassidy is my first born.
A lovely, lovely boy baby who didn't enjoy breastfeeding at all. Floods of tears of pain and regret - what was I doing that hurt him so much? And why wasn't this working? - We tried breastfeeding for a little over six weeks and when his weight was still dropping, (host of other problems - inconstant supply, shredded bleeding nipples, bad latch - and yes, I had three different LCs - The La Leche League used to draw their skirts aside as I passed, and after the pumping odyssey (Mah nipples! They've taken on a life form of their own! Honey, are they supposed to look like that? No, I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to bleed into the milk.)- went exclusively to bottle feeding. The difference was night and day.
Night and day. He'd always been a good sleeper - but now instead of five hours, he'd sleep seven...maybe eight. (Which, as a new parent, was a gift straight from God.) He'd been hungry. And filling him up, holding him close while the nipple of the bottle fed him, staring into my not-starving baby's eyes as he happily ate - was so worth it.
So worth not breast feeding. I did feel bad about not breast feeding from the health standpoint, (as I believed it then, anyway) but I never missed the feeling of closeness - I had that with bottle feeding. *
Rosemary came along three years later. Almost to the day. (She was born twelve days past C's third birthday.)
Her birth was suddenly traumatic and terrifying, and she was given glucose water from a bottle before I even saw her. (B okayed it, thank God, I was still rocking in the free world aka Too loopy to know my name.) She probably would have loved breastfeeding - she used to hunt for my nipple - but my milk never fully came in more than a trickle and soon petered out. By the third day, it was obvious she needed supplementation, and we transfered over to formula by six days - because starving two babies? Not in my nature.
*This issue could probably make an entire post by itself, but I never understood how people could talk about 'missing that feeling of closeness' when choosing bottlefeeding over breastfeeding. (Although it could have something to do with breastfeeding being a morass of pain and confusion for me, eh?) B finally asked one lady in the grocery store who was blathering on about the 'special closeness' if she picked up her child when she fed him, or if she just left him on the ground. (My hero.) She wasn't amused but I giggled about that for days.
Holding that sweet baby close to you, smelling that new baby smell and having your baby look at you while she feeds is the best part. I don't give a hoot about how the food gets into her.