Monday, 15 February 2010

rocked

My mother passed away last night.

I am so, so lucky to have had her this long - she was a brittle diabetic, besieged by other health problems. At one point she was told she wouldn't live to see her mid twenties, and so she regarded every day as a gift. To live forty years past her expected life span was a miracle.

My mother was a good-hearted woman with a wicked sense of humour. She could always make me laugh (even through disagreements!) and I'll miss her wit.

She called yesterday to say Happy Valentines Day and to tell me about the flowers my step-father had given her. She was upbeat and cheerful, talking to Rosey about the Olympics, asking me if I'd seen the opening ceremonies and wowed over the pageant that Vancouver had put on.

I meant to talk to her again, but she and R hung up, Rosey all smiles and talking excitedly about what Nana had said. Never mind, I thought. I'll call her back later.

Only now, there is no later.

I'm torn between an eerie sense of calm and trying to not let my mind remember all the wonderful things about her. I'm really okay as long as I don't recall what a neat mom she was growing up, all the Halloween costumes and stories and songs and special things she and I had.

She's at peace now. I just have to hold on to that.

But it feels awfully flimsy when I contemplate never hearing her laugh again.

47 comments:

Suzanne said...

I am so sorry.

kgirl said...

Jess, I am so, so sorry. Thinking of you.

Beck said...

Oh my God. I'm so sorry.
Keeping you in my prayers.

Major Bedhead said...

Oh, Jess, I'm so sorry. *hugs* to you and your family.

Bon said...

oh wow. just like that. Jess, i am so sorry.

Jen on the Edge said...

Oh, I am so very sorry.

DubiQuilts - Debbi said...

My prayers are with you and your family. Sending hugs to you too.

Debbi

aliceinparis said...

I am saddened to hear this. You must be reeling. At least she died with a gift of fresh flowers on a day full of shared love. Thinking of you.

kootnygirl said...

Oh my goodness. I'm so very sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful, wonderful woman.

wherewiller said...

Jess, thinking of you. Awful. Awful.

BabelBabe said...

I am so very sorry. Know that I am thinking of you.

ree said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Jess. {{hugs}}

My thoughts are with you and yours.

Z said...

How lucky she was, to know how much she was loved and to have spoken to you and Rosey yesterday. I'm so sorry for your loss, though. What a shock for you.

Sweet Coalminer said...

So sorry Jess. So, so sorry. Thinking of and praying for you and your beautiful family. You have so much beauty inside - your writing and your photography are so lovely - that she must have been an amazing woman and wonderful mother.

Dawn said...

I'm so sorry.

Tammi said...

A difficult time for you. :-( So many happy memories to relive and to carry on her spirit. So glad you did have a chat with her yesterday although short. I will keep you in my thoughts. <3

Elizabeth said...

Sending hugs your way.
You remind that I need to call my mom right now.

Erin said...

Oh, Jess, I am so sorry to hear that. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this hard time.

Angela said...

Jess, I am so sorry for your loss. {{{hugs}}}

Jill said...

Oh, I'm just so sorry. Prayers for you and your family.

patty said...

you are in my prayers

May-B said...

I'm so sorry. While I get being grateful for the extra time together, it sucks to lose her.

Deanna said...

I am so, so sorry...

Trish said...

So very sorry for you and your family.

Stomper Girl said...

Oh Jess. Sweetie. I'm so so sorry. xxx

Molly said...

So Sorry Jess. May your Mom rest in peace.

Dory said...

Jess, I'm so very sorry. I'll be praying for comfort for you and your family.

Tracy (AKA The Mayor!) said...

So sorry for your loss, our thoughts & prayers are with you...moving post, thank you for sharing your thoughts during this difficult time.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mom is at peace. May God grant you peace in your heart as well.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about your mother's passing. - Bryan

Badger said...

Oh no! I am so, so sorry to hear this. Hugs to you, my friend.

Shanna said...

I am so sorry. Let me know if I can do anything or if you need to make a break over to WI when you are back in the country.
Thinking of you and please know you can sneak over here anytime.

Loth said...

So sorry to read this, Jess. My family's thoughts are with you and yours.

Mike said...

Please allow me to add my condolences as well. Sounds like you and your mother had a great relationship...

Magpie said...

I'm so sorry.

Thinking of you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad she got to chat with Rosie.But now she is at peace.So much love she had to share with you and your family. Hugs. Call me for anything you know where i am.
Barb

Natalie @YMCbuzz said...

So sorry for your loss.
Natalie

Cat said...

I'm sorry Jess. Sounds like she had a nice last day.

Meggie said...

Sincere Condolences.
Hugs & lovexx

apathy lounge said...

Shit, sweeti! So So sorry to hear this! You're in my thoughts.

Chantal said...

Oh Jess I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I wish there was something to say that would help. take care.

amyjosjo said...

so very sorry Jess. I imgainge I will lose my mother this year too. She has what Ted Kennedy had. I know it's coming but are you ever really prepared? Take heart in the years that you had her, know that she is in you and you children too. Talk about her often to your children and grandchildren and she will never leave your heart. When my dad died I made a list of everything he use to do so I would not forget....some of him has slipped away but not the important stuff. Your a great lady and your mum did a wonderful job. Rock on sister and make her proud :)

Yo-yo Mama said...

Jess, I'm so very sorry for your loss. When I saw your tweet, I wasn't sure how to respond and I feel like an ass for not doing it then and now here I am late to tell you that you have my sympathies. I hope you never forget her laugh and the times she did. She would want that the most.

mamatulip said...

Gentle hugs, my friend. I'm thinking of you. I'm only a click away if you ever need to talk.

My most sincere condolences.

xo

alison said...

I am so, so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you today.

kyooty said...

i'm so very sorry about your loss. hugs!!!

MsCellania said...

WOW! I am just now seeing this, Jess.

I am so so sorry you've lost your mother.
I know what you are going through having lost my dear Daddy last year. Everything's a bit misty and delayed - time moves at a different pace.
We had made plans to get together the next weekend and tape my dad telling his funny stories about growing up in the 30's and 40's; marriage in the 50's, parenting in the 50's and 60's - etc. He died before we did it.
I'll be thinking about you a lot this week.
Big HUGS to you, Jess.