Friday, 11 April 2008

The not so wonderful world of disney

Disney, you deserve to be spanked. And not in the good way, either.

R is all pink and purple and 'Princess, Princess!' right now. So when she spied this, I said okay.

Her glee lasted about ten minutes. Then suddenly, things were missing, parts were falling off, and it became a 'Mama! Help meee!' thing.

Disney, how we loved thee when we were growing up. Your movies and books took us away on flights of fancy. We expected that our children would use their imaginations with your toys. Their imaginations, Disney. Not constantly-needing-something-to-be-fixed irritations. Have you ever seen a three-year old cry?

Let me give you an example. The toy is cunningly made to fold out like a book from a case - making four separate rooms. The prince and princess dolls are fabric clothed and plastic-haired, as are many in this cheapo price-conscious era. Their clothes are reasonably ornate and removable (with teeny velcro bits) and the painted pink panties for Princess Aurora were a nice touch, but then you had to spoil it with the shoes.

The shoes. The removable pink shoes that don't fit the Princess's feet.

The eeny-weency pink shoes (see the penny there for size reference? I hunted up an Amurrican one just so I wouldn't confuse your head with any Canadian references. 'Cause I'm nice like that.) Well, one was lost within fifteen minutes. Likewise the cups for the teaset. (I gave up trying to take a clear picture of something that minute.) The swing popped off a few times, and I still haven't figured out why poor Prince Phillip gets stuck with what looks like a red rubber condom for his cape.

There are structural problems, as well. Was this toy developed in California, Disney? Maybe during one of the quakes?

That would explain the floors....

But that's a small thing.Since the Princess can't get her feet into her shoes at all, one would have to assume that she doesn't really need to walk anywhere, right? Or is that why the Prince is there?

Disney, Disney, Disney. (shakes head) I had high hopes for this. A pretty castle, a story my daughter loves and will re-tell again and again, cute accessories.

Rosey was happily setting up the dining area. 'Oh, Princess, what are we having for dinner?' I said, fluttering the prince doll around. Rosey stared at the prettily-laid little table, with the golden forks and napkins (in the wrong places, but I don't expect you to teach my child to set the table) and food-filled plates. 'Candy!' she said, happily. 'We're having candy!'

'Lemme see, honey'. Surely that was wrong. But I was curious. What healthy, happy meal did the Prince and Princess sup together on their first night after Aurora's waking up?

Ooh yeah. Disney, you old paragon of happy endings and healthy living, you'd done it again.
Apparently, Princesses and Princes? Eat nothing but chocolates, whipped cream and strawberries, lemon filled pastries, and.....pats of butter.

Forget the spanking, Disney. You need more help than that. More help than I (with my hands full of bits of popped-off plastic) can give.


Sarah O. said...

Thanks for the laughs!

nomotherearth said...

I also had trouble with Barbie shoes. Damn things.

Suzanne said...

I love your prose. I'm a bad person, I didn't warn you how cheaply made most Disney toys seem to be.

Looking at those shoes, I am thankful for the boys. Then I remember that they've got a HUGE rubbermaid tub full of legos that find their way under my feet!

SUEB0B said...

Um, yum, pats of butter bigger than strawberries. My favorite.

Christy said...

Disney has sucked since Walt died.

But this is low! If you buy a schlocky toy, you should have a least ONE moment of joy from it.

Even a paper dress looks good for a second.....

Angewl said...

What a disappointment!

alison said...

Yah, Walt and co. definitely suck. For more reasons than shoddy toys, although that's pretty crappy too. Here's why I don't like him:

MsCellania said...

Man those shoes would be super glued on that little princess' feet, double quick. Ditto for the tea cups - glue those suckers right on to the tray. If you only find one shoe, then by god she's Cinderella with only one shoe.
Tell Rosie that's not butter it's a big chunk of extra sharp cheddar cheese. To go with the wine in the tea cup!

DD said...

I think McDonalds and Burger King use the same quality in their kid's meals. But I wouldn't know that since I feed my kid nothing but butter and candy.