Tuesday, 8 April 2008

girl trouble

Rosey's been having some problems at school.

At home, she's crazy and laughing and hopping and jumping everywhere, fastest in the house to make a comment or laugh. A real clown.

At school? She's the shy one.

We've been keeping an eye on it - some kids are slower to blossom - but today one of her teachers and I had a good long talk, and now I'm concerned.

Rosey has a few friends that she plays with everyday, but we've begun to notice that she doesn't suggest things to do - that she follows the other children's lead exclusively, and doesn't speak up for herself when the other child takes all the crayons or the paper or the doll she was playing with.

We're all going to work on helping her find her words to say, first off, 'Don't do that!' and secondly 'I don't like that, and if you aren't nice then I will play with someone else.'

And it hurts me to see her so unhappy at the thought of hurting her friends' feelings - but if we don't nip this now, this could lead into trouble when she hits elementary school.

No one wants their kid to be the wallflower.


witchypoo said...

Or the doormat. Good call.

DD said...

The other day I was surfing for information on K-grade kids who can't sit still. On one of the parenting sites, a question to the panel was, "I'm worried that my child is too perfect in school."

Apparently every parent worries about whether or not their child's development is going well, even when they appear to be "perfect" (which is just weird IMO).

beagle said...

Without going on and on about my own funky childhood. Can I just say I wish my mom had gone to the same mom school as you.

Jenty said...

I have a similar problem with Bradley. I wish I knew how to make him stand up for himself!!
Good luck

meggie said...

O Jess. this is so hard. How do you encourage your child to be tougher. My daughter was rather like that at school, mostly a follower, & liked to have one special friend. She is fierce & loyal, & feels so betrayed if friends let her down. Now she is older, she has become much more self possessed. We did our best to make her realise she was great in her own right, but it didn't seem to work at school. Even she doesn't know why.

cat, galloping said...

let me know what you come up with, because i fear the same for gatito down the line.

(semi-funny story: one night, in his sleep, he started to cry and screamed, "[Best friend] took my jell-o!!!")

Stomper Girl said...

Good luck. Here was me thinking second children were so much tougher/resilient than the delicate firstborns, but that just leaves the whole genetic thing out.

apathy lounge said...

Powerful post.

kim at allconsuming said...

I went to an all girls school from Year 5 to Year 12. One of my music teachers (who transversed both primary and high schools) said to me when I was about to finish my schooling how lovely it had been to see me blossom. I was all 'wha?' and she said, "Kim, you didn't talk for the first three years you were here. We only started to see who you were in Year 8 and it took until Year 10 for that to really shine and by this year you have just blown us away."

Funny because I had thought I'd just been the same old me the whole way through.

Christy said...

In a weird way, she sounds pretty zen--but unfortunately zen will get you harassed pretty bad in elementary and middle school.

Maybe in her heart she just thinks, "Hey, they're only fucking crayons, take them bitch."


Too bad we have to tell kids the facts of life are that you have to at least fake aggression/assertiveness to survive even if you'd rather just roll with the punches.

I guess.....

Good luck! Your love and support and communication will be key, a soft place to land for her even if the problem isn't so easy to fix.

Isabelle said...

Sounds very wise. Aren't our lovely children worrying, though? Mine are 28, 26 and 23 and I'm still worrying...

Just to cheer you up.

blackbird said...

She's little still- and learning the world every day.
I think you are right to encourage her to use her voice.
Middle was like that when he was little and one day he just spoke up.
With you guiding her she'll find the right moment too.