Tuesday, 30 September 2008

sex and drugs and rock and roll (okay, not really)

How do you start The Talk?

Before Cass was born, B and I hashed it out. There were fair divisions of things. There were discussions....about discussions. There were ideas, and waving of hands.

B will do the no drugs/smoking stuff.

I get the NO SEX (ever, hee) talk.

And now he's damn'near seven and noticing girls* (KILL ME NOW) and...

and I have no idea how to start.

I really think he's going to need the no smoking/drugs talk earlier than he'll need the sex thang (not because anyone's pushing heroin among the first-graders, but because I just think it's better to learn not to put things in your body before he knows...not to put anything in someone's body?? I'm so confused.) but B doesn't seem really pro-active about that, so...I bring it to you.

Websites? Books? Magazines?

*There are three (three!) in his class that he thinks are 'so pretty, Mommy, pretty'.


Anonymous said...

We just handle things as they come up.

Grace saw some graffiti on a bathroom wall and came home asked about what she'd read, which lead to a conversation about those topics.

If one of the girls asks a question, we answer it and go on from there.

womaninawindow said...

I want to ask him right away, What does it mean, that she's pretty? How does that make you feel? What are others saying about girls and boys?

We've opened the dialogue already. We've been saying since we've been reading fairy tales and fables, there will come a time when you will feel something for someone, you'll feel it differently, you'll feel it in your gut. And it might be about a boy or it might be about a girl. We've opened that door too, 'cause lord knows I don't want them on the other side of that door alone, should it come to that. And all there is to do, I think, is open that dialogue, talk it out, be honest and interested.

It's not going to easy, is it, this road for us as parents, or for them as kids?

Sue said...

At his age, it's mostly about no kissing and touching. He's old enough to know that people don't touch where underpants cover, but let him tell you what he wants to know, and K.I.S. (Keep it simple)

barbra said...

What great comments! What great commenters!

Sweet Coalminer said...

Yikes!!! Sorry I can't add to the wisdom already provided.

daysgoby said...

Sue is nice enough not to add the last S on that....it's usually KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid!)

Thanks everyone!

Ree said...

what jenontheedge said.

I think boys are easier.

kimmyk said...

I made Jamie have the talk with Adam. I couldn't. With Abbie it was easy-I got a bunch of information from the women's center and laid it all on her bed one day and said if you have questions you come to me and it opened the door to communication. Some questions I wasn't prepared for, but I answered them honestly and as openly as possible for her at that age. I found that to be the best...now with Adam 16 I tell him don't even think about it, cause I don't wanna be a grandma. He knows what I mean...LOL!

Anonymous said...

Yep, we always just answered the questions that were asked - no more, no less. That meant that our son knew THE WHOLE FRICKIN' SHEBANG at three (including a discussion on chromosomes because his brother had Down Syndrome!!!) and our daughter didn't know ANYTHING at 11 (I finally asked ner if she had any questions and she said, "I don't need to know anything about sex. I'm only 11. I'll tell you when I want to know!")
How can they each be so different?

Stomper Girl said...

Oh, send him to me, I am an expert. The sex ed, love, alcohol and drug talks I've had with my 7 year old would make a teenager's mother proud.

I'm just honest and matter of fact. And I say a lot of stuff like "this happens when you're a MAN" ie in the impossibly far off future.

crazymumma said...

Tell it to him straight. No chaser.

But, maybe now is not the time. thinking a girl is purdy does not necessarily mean a sex talk.