Wednesday, 18 October 2006

these kids are trying to kill me

Rosey's turning two has been an interesting experience.
Today, she said 'No' for the first time ever. (Just in time for the terrible twos!)

Tonight, she crossed another milestone I had hoped we'd missed - she pooped. In the tub.

Cass was horrified. 'Mom! Rosey's got something on her hands!' Then his tone changed to fascination. 'Is that poop?'

Two milli-seconds later, they were out of the tub. I pulled the plug and started containment exercises.

This was, of course, the one night where I'd said 'Sure!' when they both wanted all the bath toys in the tub.

(picture taken after clean-up, before sterilization.)

Bear rustled around downstairs. 'Hon? We're um..out of bleach.'
Shit. What now?

Ignoring the two naked kids huddled together on the step, I bounded downstairs and rifled through the cupboards. Borax - no, Softsoap - no, Silver polish - no, PineSol - no...and there it was. Tucked back in the corner.

A brand new bottle of Lysol Power Toilet Bowl Cleaner.

The label said clearly 'Kills 99.9% of germs.' What could be better?

I used the entire bottle. It um... smells powerfully of wintergreen. And it foams! A lot.

Twenty minutes later, after rinsing (and rinsing, and rinsing!) everything with the hottest water we had, the problem had been solved and the tub sparkled. Sparkled.* It hasn't been this shiny since we moved in.

I was feeling pretty smart as I turned back to the kids. 'Ok! Who wants to have the first bath? You guys still need to rinse your hair, you know.'

Rosey shook her head at me. 'No, Mama. No. Shower.'

*Of course, reading the label now, it says 'Not to be used in tubs'. Obviously not made by people with kids. Or, you know, people with kids that have this problem.


MsCellania said...

I can't believe you've gone FIVE YEARS into parenting and this is the first time someone has shat in the tub.
DH was IN the tub, with BOTH boys, in a hotel. When youngest let fly. It is the one and only time I've heard dh scream like a girl. Again and again.

And I still laughed myself into a wheezing fit. A 40 yo man, a 9 month old baby and a 20 month old baby. And I had to scrub every last one of them, all screaming their lungs out.

Leggy said...

Too funny- we put all the toys in the dishwasher and cleaned them that way, but still had to scrub the tub from top to bottom.

daysgoby said...

ms - I'm a little winded myself reading that - how hilarious!

Leggy (smacks head) The dishwasher! Why didn't I think of that?

Crazy MomCat said...

I do the dishwasher trick too. I put them all in there every so often just to get them clean and hope that several of them vanish during the rinse cycle. Our tub toys are taking over right now!

Erin said...

between your story and mscellania's, I laughed so hard I cried. too funny!

we haven't had a poop in the tub (yet), but we had one in the sink. During one of Emily's first baths (you know, before the belly button stump falls off and you can't get them wet for fear they'll shrink), Mike was holding her over the bathroom sink while I prepared the washing supplies. Mike had Emily's bare butt in one of his hands and suddenly, it was very warm... she was peeing. No problem, Daddy can handle that, he just shifted his hand so that the pee was going down the drain. Good thing he did, too, because as soon as she was done with #1, she grunted and pooped. It happened so quick, neither of us could do anything.

Molly said...

Just read this and a similar one on fridayplaydate with endless comments, and I must say I'm feeling really "pooped",snicker, snicker! My face hurts from laughing, BUT! The dishwasher?? After which the dinner dishes go in there?? No matter HOW hot the water gets, it doesn't sound too appetizing.....

Badger said...

Ohmigawd, my girl child? Used to poop in the tub EVERY SINGLE TIME. Like until she was potty-trained, which wasn't until she was three and a half. EVERY TIME. I think the bleach fumes killed off whatever brain cells I had left after giving birth to them.

daysgoby said...

Badger - NO. Three and a half years of poop?
Once was enough for me!

Erin - I think it's a reaction to Daddy hands. My daughter has peed on her Dad four times. No sink stuff, though!

MollyB - We have a sterilization (or Blinding-Hot)cycle on ours - although I -urp!- see what you mean...