perusing Joke's past

Perhaps a day late and a dollar short, but here are my answers to Joke's First Semi-Annual Contest....

and damn, Joke, that was long....

What is the best brand of products to preserve leather?
Leatherique
My alcohoroscope shows me to be what sign?
Aries
What do I like to drink in those teeny tiny Petrossian glasses and what do I enjoy eating as an accompaniment?
Cognac and potato crisps
What's my Myers-Briggs personality type?
The Mastermind
What do I use to clean the burners of the porn grill?
Lethicin and canola oil.
How long did I actually have (in the physical sense) the car that sucked?
That I don't know but I know you wanted it for about twelve seconds after you got it
What Rat Packer am I?
Dino
What, in my opinion, is the worst part of living in SoFla?
The way hurricanes want to shake hands and how-de-do with your house
Who is the artist being honored (in absentia) at JokeFest2006?
Sammy Davis Jr.
How many "tuxedo-able" bow ties do I own?
Two
What is my most heretical recipe?
onion dip
What is the title of the first book I recommended on this blog?
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy...read the book, DON'T see the movie...
Do I consider myself a metrosexual and why or why not?
Aren't you petrosexual?
How many turkeys did I grill for Thanksgiving 2005?
Grill?
What did I spend 1/1/05 doing?
Downloading forgotten songs and reveling in the musical past
What scary thing did my 8 year old ask Santa for?
A black hoe
What's wrong with MOST organic milk these days?
It doesn't taste any better than the milk down at the 7-11.
What airline couldn't get us from "here to there"
American Airlines, NOT flying the friendly skies near you
What do I call the day in which Poppy and self became pals?
You celebrate your Drivelversary, so the actual day would be...Drivel?

What is my medical directive to my wife/children?
Keep me alive, unless I'm in pain or peeing on myself.
What holiday was the subject of a LONG and hilarious blog entry that, sadly, Blogger ate?
Christmas!
How did I describe the ::cough, cough:: Cupid garden statue TFBIM got? (BONUS! What happened to that statue?)
Billy Barty dressed as an Indian.
Which relative vexes me telephonically the most?
Gotta be your Dad!
How many times has an Italian car left me stranded?
Nevah
What did I consider (at the time) to be better than sex?
A hot shower!

and now, to bed.