The hardest thing about parenting (so far!) is that neither of them came with a meter or any kind of button (believe me, I've looked) that would tell me when something I'm doing is going to stick. It would be nice to have that for the good stuff (glowing green, perhaps?)- for bedtime stories, kisses, the special songs, bike rides - but would even be more helpful to me for the bad things (red, deep and scary red) - the times I yell, or that spanking back in January, or when Bear gets short-tempered and terse. Will Cass remember any of that? What are we doing that will follow him forever?
I worry about these things. I'm not a big Dr.Phil fan, but he says something about 'writing on the slate of his life' that haunts me after a day when we've all been crabby and cross with each other and stops me sometimes when I have my mouth open to yell.
Neither one of the kids have any graduation meters, no strips that shade from white to black that would let me know when I'm getting to the danger level of saying (or not saying) something that would subtly change them.
I look at my son, who is bright joy personified, and I think: What if something I say blows the candle out on all this happiness? Because I'm aware it only takes one careless word, something not even meant to hurt, to dim that light.
I'm still looking, though. Somewhere in that pile of papers I brought home from the hospital, I'm hoping to find the instruction manual. Maybe I've just overlooked it.
7 comments:
OMG can I relate to this. Every day I wonder- how am I screwing up my kid today? Let me know if you find that instruction manual.
Ok, I am going to try this again, blogger ate my first attempt.
I was a single mom for 10 years and that was not easy. I know that I will most likely get bad mommy of the century. I have seen the light go out of his face when I have said something and nothing I can say or do will ever make it come back.
What I do know is that, at 12, he still likes to cuddle on the couch with me, tells me he loves me, is a funny, smart and well behaved child. That is really all we can hope for in the end.
Don't beat yourself up and remember you are a great mom and have great kids. Since we do not get a magic manual when we bring them home all we can ever do is try our best and hope it is enough.
You are doing a great job and just remember to enjoy your kids while they are still young and to try and teach them right from wrong. That is what I am trying to do and so far so good.
I refuse to beat myself up over that. I am not mean to my kids, I love them and lavish them with affection 99% of the time. I am also human and have bad days, just like everyone else. Those bad days are FAR outnumbered by the good days. And frankly, children DOo need to learn that people get in bad moods, that it's ok to feel mad/sad/angry sometimes, as long as you deal with it, talk about it and don't let it run your life. Kids need to learn how to handle their anger and sadness effectively rather than just supressing it.
It is inevitable that you are going to say something that will hurt your kids' feelings. Do all you can not to, of course, but don't berate yourself. The most innocuous things will send kids into a tizzy - you can't control that.
Honey, we are ALL Adult Children Of Parents. We have all managed to find our way in life, even with parents who didn't agonize a tenth of what we do, and screamed, whacked and treated us like 2nd class citizens. I like to think that my sons are learning that everyone has good/bad/kind/mean in them. And that no matter what, they are loved and cherished, even if I'm losing it at times. I do apologize if I'm in the wrong, and I think that is important.
And yeah, I still worry a bit too. Who knew this parenting stuff would be SO hard?!
Ugh. I sometimes have to tell myself, after a bad day, "children are very resilient". I remember my mom who raised 5 of us telling me that a lot -- esp in the early colicky days with my first.
I really hate to burst your bubble. There's NO instruction manual. Sadly. Not even Dr Phil has one.
Having said that, I share your fears. But we can all only do what we can do.
hehe ~ I do tell my teen-bean that when she is an adult she can tell Dr. Phil all about it, but for now she's just gonna have to deal with me!
Proud member of the mean mommy club ;)
Post a Comment