Sunday, 9 August 2009

warped speed ahead

When I left to fix dinner, there was an episode of DogTown on and everyone was wrapped up in it.
Rosey : The cute doggies! LOOK at the CUTE DOGGIES!
Cass: WHY did the two dogs that grew up together have to be separated? Wouldn't they be lonely?
and I muttered something about they're both big dogs, and look! The nice man is introducing them both to new dogs and now they'll have new friends and fled without admitting the doggies were very, very cute to the kitchen where I could hack at veggies in peace.

I made the salad, boiled the water for the spaghetti, and reheated the sauce....all without help. It was a little strange. Usually I have helpers who will sneak tastes while stirring or chopping things. I chalked it up to the allure of the dogs and loaded plates.

The kids hurtled in for their suppers (Sunday nights they are allowed to eat in front of the tv) Rosey chattering something about a kitty, Cass complaining did he really have to eat the tomatoes - y'know, a typical night. They thundered back to the livingroom and I joined them a few moments later to find that things were different from when I left.

Cass was very still on the couch, his plate forgotten on the table in front of him, a hand curled on his lower abdomen, his mouth wide open.

Rosey slurped in some spaghetti and chirped 'Ooh, LIONS, Mama!'

And I turned and looked at the television ( The dogs were gone. What was that? Some sort of hooded worm with a spiky collar? Man, Nat'l Geographic Channel is pretty science-y!) I was just mentally patting myself on the back (Exposing them to microbiology! Never too young to be curious!)

and the announcer said 'Just like his domesticated counterpart, the lion also bites his mate. But when the female lion screams, it's because the male's penis is hurting her, with its' rows of spiky barbs.'

My son went white, his hand now protectively clutching his groin as feline screams (Passion? Pain? Who could tell?) filled the air.

And I realized I had abandoned my children to the evils of lion porn.

Must go check the sofa cushions for loose change. I'm starting the therapy jar now.


Maggie May said...

yup, we have lion porn here too.

and change in the cushions.

i have that song stuck in my head now ' water flowing underground '

Anonymous said...

My brothers and I were traumatized by nature shows when we were kids... it's a rite of passage. At least it was just lion porn and not baby seal clubbing!!

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Doesn't Nat Geo give any viewer advice warnings? Can you sue to cover therapy costs?

Jen on the Edge said...

No. Way.

Ree said...

Spike penis? I think they make condoms like that! (I'm sorry...couldn't resist)

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Violet said...

So, yeah...lion porn...what channel was that again?

heh heh heh...

DD said...

Make sure you save a little for my own therapy, because barbs?? Aaagggh!

Stomper Girl said...

Ow, that spiky lion's penis. What was the point of THAT particular genetic design?