Whole lot of nothing going on

Last week, I got covid. For the third time, and this one was unpleasant in ways that I don't really want to talk about. (Life tip: NO ONE wants to hear about the bathroom, ever, not even your most dedicated and trapped audiences. Just NO.) So, while I was at home, languishing away, I had an expensive bout of car trouble, my husband lost his fledgling job, and my job took a side-step into the realm of the probably-gonna-be-okay-but-ABSURD-right-now.

Of course.

I am so, so lucky that I have a family that will listen to me blather on about should I go? Should I stay? without wincing, and lucky I have friends that keep me grounded.

So today was my first day back to work. Several Bad Things had happened last week while I was gone, and I made some headway on clearing those up, and helped with a sudden Bad Thing that cropped up today. I also watered the plants.

And now, I'm home, with the fan going, and there's

...a whole lot of nothing going on.

And I LIKE it.

A couple of big blows

 Snow, that is. My province has been hit hard this year.  We're still digging out from the St. Valentine's day storm, and we might find Cape Breton (in the eastern-most part of Nova Scotia) in May or June. There are still people trapped in their houses out there.

And it's bitter cold.

It's still cold enough, in fact, to make winter food like chili and soups and dumplings, but the sunny days make me want salads and barbecue and warmer things.

Ah, who am I kidding. I'd give a lot to see a robin or a crocus or anything growing free.

Groundhogs. Lousy liars.

Something about Christmas time

 The tree is up. Yes, I tried to put it off as long as I could, but this year as soon as American Thanksgiving was over, my daughter INSISTED and we got everything out. And it's pretty and nice to look at in the evenings but a solid MONTH of Christmas flash and dash stretches out in front of me like a long hard road.

Buying Christmas gift for young adults (um, mah baybee is NINETEEN) isn't nearly as fun as it used to be ('What do you want for Christmas?' 'Um, an Amazon card?' SIGH) since they already know what they're getting, but it's definately easier. There's not a lot of running around the malls anymore.

Which is good, because somehow, in the past month, I've managed to have an outbreak of shingles, gave my vaccinated daughter chickenpox,  and then went through Covid afterwards. (Because the first wasn't ...fun enough?)  So we've been all kinds of fun at our house.

Christmas can't come fast enough. The lights are pretty and all, but right now, my favourite present is going to be a NAP.

Well, that went quickly...

I'm having a visitor this summer! Dad is coming up!

He had a suggestion "Maybe Casbah could get his passport, fly down, and drive [with Dad] back up to Nova Scotia?" 

Casbah loved the idea. ESPECIALLY when he found out Dad was bringing the MGB.

So! Passport has been ordered. Ferry bookings made. Now trying to find Dad an air b&b and some airline reservations for Cass - and trying to figure out how to cram thirty years worth of flying-alone wisdom into my never-flown kid.

Psh. It seems a very short time ago he was holding my hand when we crossed the road, and now....now he's going to fly by himself.

( I'm honestly not freaked about him being in an airplane hundreds of feet above the earth  -  I'm thinking of my poor kid being confused and lost in an airport.)

(Also still salty about the fact that I'VE never driven the MG. Okay - to be perfectly honest...  never driven the MG when Dad's OKAYED IT.)

crick in my neck

 I spent the whole weekend looking up!

Saturday evening was spent at the beach (Nova S has gorgeous beaches, both inland and Atlantic-Ocean-side) staring at the skies with a really nice group of people, looking for shooting stars. The company was fantastic, the food awesome, and the fire was great. And the scenery! The stars just go on **forever** out there. A patchwork of heavens.

It's easier to draw a deep breath out there, with the waves lapping the shore and stars streaking through the night. There was a moment when everything looked like a negative

Sunday was a different kind of look up - we had torrential thunderstorms, complete with pink jagged lightning and big old boomers. Rora, who has never met a storm she couldn't bark her indignation at, was in fine form. THEN we lost power, and everything...stopped. Bear woke me, muttering about checking the basement (we just had a very expensive experience with flooding and replacing things down there) and needless to say....I didn't sleep much after that.

But! dawn came. And now the day is sullen and grey, but warming. People are walking their dogs in shorts and the region is here, clipping the weeds that have grown in the cracks in the pavement. 

Happy Monday! It's going to be a great week, I can just feel it.

I should take my own parenting advice

 Anyone ever get a weird vibe about what might have been?  I was browsing through some of my Facebook feed and  spotted some (not mine) reunion pictures - and I went to bed thinking "what if..."

What if I'd married the serious boyfriend?

What if I'd married the boy next door?

What if I'd married the boy who was in love with me?

What if I still lived where I grew up?

Who would I be?

Welllll, the serious boyfriend is still a friend on Facebook, but we kinda don't share the same core political values and we're both quite outspoken. (AKA: there would be noisy fights at the Thanksgiving table) He's chosen a life I can't see myself living, although I think he has peace with it. 

 The boy next door - le sigh. I still sneak peeks at his profile every once in awhile just to see how he's doing. And I miss who he was, although I'm not sure we'd like each other if we just met now.

The boy who was in love with me - ahhh. He was (and still is!) a sweetie. His lovely wife and brilliant children do him credit. He is, of them all, the one who turned out the most like I thought he would - a creative, science-y career, a lovely life.

I'm really, truly afraid that if I hadn't uprooted everything and moved here I'd still be moribund, still stuck doing all the same old things - and never feeling the need to change.

I guess I gave myself roots and wings, and I soared.

No, seriously

 Uncle.

First this summer we had a cold snap, then huge roaring forest fires in several areas of the province, and last week we had flooding.

I'm afraid to ask when the locusts are going to arrive.

Today: the sun is out, bicyclists are whizzing past, there's a lovely breeze - it's a lovely, hot summers day. 

But there's a part of me that's afraid to see what tomorrows weather will bring.

Plugging away

'Start as you mean to go on' - it's one of the best pieces of advice my mother ever gave me, and simultaneously one of the hardest to fulfill. I mean, doesn't everyone want a day off from responsibilities sometimes? Still, it's great counsel. And I'd be a fool not to at least TRY to keep up my jobs. (That laundry isnt going to do itself, no matter what other plans you have or other chores you have. It's just not. The House Hippoes are not coming to save me. More's the pity.) A lot changes in a few weeks. Rosey-roo has a new major, a new beau, and a new outlook, and Casbah has (dare I say it?) figured out that he really likes Health Care. Bear is just (just!) coming off a seven-month oddysey of carpal tunnel surgery that didnt work, and a *lot* of physical therapy. Not only has this been distressing and horrible for him, it's done a number on our finances as well. I've been trolling the internet, looking for something part-time. A side-gig. I'm leery of the 'You can make thousands a week!' people and unimpressed with the "Click here! Do this! Watch the money roll in!" crows, which leaves me...I don't know. Confused, I think they call it. But still plugging away.

Canada Day, hoo-ra!

Say hey for a three-day weekend! Especially one where everyone barbecues and has long, lazy mornings. I'm on my third cup of coffee, and feeling fine. Enough of my house-chores are done so now i can curl up and read, or even (heaven!) think about taking a nap. The downside of a holiday falling on the weekend? The usual errands can't be done. No grocery shopping (did a lot of that last night, where I spent a few minutes staring slack-jawed at the wall of empty shelves where the bread usually is displayed. Holy canolli, people, the store will be closed ONE DAY. ONE. Lets not panic all at the same time. But! Some of the tiny mom-and-pop stores are still open. Maybe, later, a drive and an ice-cream on the beach? Sounds like something the rebels that made Canada might be proud of. Freedom, choice, and a good sweet treat. Happy Canada Day, y'all.

Sputtering

I keep trying to restart this, and fading out. It's disappointing, because I love this space and all the voices that have piped up with me along the way. I need to do better! I'm at work this morning, grabbing a few minutes to drink coffee (heavily, Mondays are NOT fun 'round here) and blurt out what's going on right now. Hum. Work: BUSY. The office just opened up a second, related-but-not-quite-the-same venture in the same building, and the new people and new energy has been great. And while the new bit isn't really causing me much extra work (right now, it has the possibility to add to my workload once it really starts going) it's really, really nice to see the smiles on peoples' faces when they leave. The law office across the street just changed hands and the new owners are turning it into a restaurant, complete with new doors and new bricking. That part has been interesting too, watching the re-assembling of this stately old building to be something new and modern while still preserving its roots. Home: BUSY. I've been starting a 'Throw away five things a day' (because the husbeast doesn't notice clutter and mess makes my left eye twitch) and while somedays I'm really good about it "The tatty bathroom rug goes OUT! The bottles of leftover shampoo in the shower go OUT!" somedays I'm throwing away grocery receipts and counting my five things in mismatched socks. I need to do better. Rosey and Cass are grown up and working, and Roo is returning to college this fall. Cass is taking a few semesters off to work in the new section of my office (and he's LOVING it) and is re-thinking his career trajectory. He still loves his chosen field of study but is realistically looking around and noticing that YEARS of school might not be a good plan right now. Rosey is spreading her wings - two jobs, a vibrant social life and ideas about how she wants to live. She still makes time so we can go get boba on the weekends, though. It makes her old mom feel good. What's going on with you?

Bookin’

I took about a hundred names off my facebook friend list tonight. Really, it went surprisingly quickly, with only a few 'who was this again?' moments. I was surprised how many different groups of people I have as friends on facebook, and how looking at them can show the course of my life like a big old patchwork quilt. Bloggers, of course, then high-school and university friends, different jobs and peer groups, so many memories! then a huge group of 'people-I-know-but-not-really', and its that group I culled through tonight. Sub-groups as well, including 'Oh, yes, I knew your sister' and 'Yes, we do work at the same place, but we haven't said anything to each other on here in a year' and 'I like your posts but not your attitudes' and the whammo 'Why did I ever???' Waaay back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and Facebook was a young'un, there were Lists. I feel like i could use a few of those to help me sort these remaining people. The strange thing is, I doubt many of the deleted ones will notice I'm gone, really. Which means I've done a very-overdue thing. Feelin' fine tonight.

ketchup

I'm still here. Still nattering along, just being me. The kids are getting bold and big - can I even call Cass a kid anymore? Prolly not, really, since he's nineteen, bearded, and going to university (altho' Covid has made it less of a new adventure and more a taking classes online and not moving out of the house kind of thing) but he'll always be a kid to me. Roo is a junior in high school (HOW??) and coming into her own. She's making great grades, has two part-time jobs, and continues to be her own sparkly self. Bear is currently out on stress leave - this Covid mess has everyone twisted up. Aaaaand....we have a dog. We lost Jasper last spring, dithered a few months, then I jumped at the chance to foster, and....well, as my history shows, I'm an excellent foster parent, with attachment issues. They don't leave. Aurora the pocket shepherd (shep-border collie mix, as far as we can tell) has joined the pack. We are much richer for having her. I am very lucky to live where I do, Nova S is almost untouched (thank you, Premier McNeil, for your leadership and keeping us all safe) and we're all cautious but hopeful. Having the rest of my family still in the States, though, scares the bejesus out of me. Personally? Still the same weight, a lot more silver strands. Last night I realized I can wear Mom's wedding band now. It looks strange on my hand. I miss her fiercely somedays. The sun is out, although it's a bitterly cold day. The sky is a thousand colours of blue and the clouds look smudged like pastel crayons. It's a gorgeous day.

Yarn over and over

Someone, an old babysitter maybe, taught me to crochet when I was six. I remember making long braided loops of yarn and thinking how pretty it was. Then, like kids do, I charged forth into something else and forgot all about the flash of the hook and the way the colours fell from my hands. I tried to knit a few years ago. HA! The two sticks made me stabby. I managed to make lots of knots before completely losing my patience with the whole enterprise and hurling the knobbly bits into the trash. And that should have been the end of it, except.... Except I remembered the hook, and started watching videos and puzzling out stitches. I’m not particularly good at it (being left-handed, and also clumsy) and it’s slow, frustrating going, but I’m ....I’ve got a Christmas project on the go now, and I want to finish it. Knot so bad for an old girl.

Bring on 2020 and the dancing bears

2019 has been kind. I’ve lost weight (a stomach operation, then changing my diet has made some drastic changes) I’ve been diagnosed with a (treatable) heart condition, and I have a job I really love. Job singular. For the first time in YEARS, I have ONE job, not a main and side-gigs. So of course I’ve been volunteering up a storm. Heh. You’d think I’d relax or something. My kids are gorgeous and amazing. The small boy Cass is now a senior in high school, with plans for university and his future. I’m so proud of the man he’s becoming, although I still miss the ghost of his six year old self with the flashing gap-toothed grin. Nowadays he’s much less likely to eat the last cookie and much more probable to ask me if I’ve seen the Gordon Ramsey turkey video, and then borrow the car. The small girl Rosey is now in tenth grade, and she’s flowering into a lovely, self-aware young woman. She comes in colours like a rainbow, as the old song says, and Rosey feels things deeply. She has wise old woman eyes, and she has the ability to empathize with everyone she meets. We lost one of the kitties this year, our calico-love Lucy. She went to sleep in her usual spot under Roo’s bed, and then went on ahead of us in her catly way. We miss her and her squeezebox purring that echoed through the house. The other two cats (the irrepressible Boo and Inky) and the housebunny Violet moped for a long time. Jasper is still doddering along. He’s deaf and cataract-laden, and he’s got a horrible racking cough that probably means he’s cooking up something nasty and cancer-related, but as long as he’s happy and able to be with us, we will certainly be thrilled to have him. Bear is....Bear. Still steady and sweet, still infuriating-at-times. He’s the easiest character to write about here, as he doesn’t change much. (A good *and* bad thing, sometimes.) Bring on the Roaring Twenties,

Sighing that it’s Sunday

And another weekend is in the can. Shopping, a lot of walks (with the sadly aging and grey-ing doggo, who is probably on a long slow decline, as most big dogs are wont to do) some reading, some cleaning, a huge-and-delicious potato salad consumed, a garden full of seeds planted. (Potting soil, seeds, cardboard egg cartons. The ground is yet to be raked, although that will have to be this week, since the seeds are showing green soft heads and relishing the warmth of the sun porch.) 

One kid is blissed out with a new movie, and the other, re-reading her English assignment. 

I have yet to make lunches, but once I get off the couch and get that done, I’ll probably opt for throwing some laundry in and an early bedtime. Fresh sheets and a good book. Yum.

A delicious way to end the weekend.

good Methodist kid

We are all amalgamations of our upbinging. Good or bad, that's just the way the chips fall, and it's up to each one of us to tweak these parts and bits and make ourselves into who we want to be.

That process can take years. A lifetime, even.

Two tenets I carry with me are the Methodist creed (commonly attributed to John Wesley, although not found in any of his writings)  'Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.' And something less famous, although no less thought of, ' Do nice things, and nice things will happen to you'. Call it karma, call it common sense, call it whatever you like - it's something I believe in.

Today, at the end of a brilliant three day weekend, one where we all did something fun, both collectively and by ourselves, three days of blue skies and open-window freshness, I went to the car to pick up Cass at the beach where he was with a group of friends and found not one, but two gifts meant to make me feel appreciated for a small thing I'd done.

I love them.  I've been smiling all night. If you do nice things......

Back to work tomorrow.

Lovely day Lovely day (A lovely day)*

This has turned into a most awesome day, my friends.

 The first day of a three day weekend, weather switching from melt-your-face-off heat into sweet late spring sunshine, and so much possibility in every sigh of the wind.

Bear called up the stairs "Want to go to breakfast?"

I actually had to wake the kids. They sleep harder now than when they were small. After enjoying food not-cooked-by-me (yay!)  we went through the car wash, drove through the countryside in search of a new flooring shop that has been advertising itself all over Facebook but was still not open on Saturday ????? and chatted and laughed and I only had to stop two sibling puckers. (Named, of course, for the faces I get when I shut the arguing down.)

Cass's music boomed through the speakers. Now, Cass and I don't always agree on music -he's been going through a shudderingly awful rap stage- but this was bouncy. And techno, in a way that brought to mind the (unimaginably number of years ago) time when I was in my first car, going to go pick up my friends for a high school dance. Weirdly similar. I was musing on how everything old is new again (oh my god, rompers are back!) when the boy informed me with a smug twinkle that he knew I'd love it, as it was a song from 1986.

Apparently he'd heard it on the bus heading home from the track meet, and now it was on his playlist. So everything old IS new again. (But this time, NO ROMPERS.)

We stopped at a lovely new market, then drove home, planning a barbecue. After Bear remembered that our grill is out of commission, he and Cass found an old washer, yanked it's insides out, and now I have a fire pit.

I am so excited to try it out. Not tonight for supper, tho', as there's a partial fire ban on, and we can't have a fire until after dark. But SOON.

Tonight we're eating the first batch of potato salad.

Hello, summer.

*title, of course, from the Bill Withers song

spring needs to spring

It's been interesting around here lately.

We're just coming out of an unseasonably late ice storm, which whirled the trees and coated everything in frozen water and despair. Today, the sun came out again and people squinted and smiled at the glints coming off the still frozen branches, amazed at the blue blue sky and hoping that this truly was the last, that there will be spring, and soon.

My daughter is struggling with something at school, which has impacted the way she sees everything around her.  She's asked for help and been blown off twice by adults that ought to have taken her concerns seriously. Suffice to say, I can't *wait* for parent-teacher.

Meanwhile, the teenager has been recommended to go into 'fancy' math classes. I plan to ask him more about those tomorrow while I take him to go get new glass in his (three-week-old) new glasses. (Long story short: the teen was with a group of friends at a hockey game, someone rooting for the other team shoved one of his friends, Cass dove in to save his friend and.....forgot????.....he had glasses on. They sailed through the air, skittered under some seats and boom! Weren't crushed or broken but had some horrible scratches. You know the news is not good when the first thing you hear when you answer the phone is "Mom, I'm sorry") Thank god for Vogue Optical. Vogue definitely isn't the cheapest, but their repair or replace promotions have been a god-send the last few years.

Tomorrow is work, appointments, popcorn and movie night. This weekend is possibly a tea festival, definitely another hockey game, most likely some walks with the big camera and welcoming spring.

Because jeez, after the last month, we all need it.

humpday

It has been a long, hard, slog of a day.

Work was the usual, with just a soupçon of extra crazy. Many phone calls today, many clients talked to. Manymanymany.

My cat has a mysterious chunk of fur missing from the back of her neck. I suspect she and her brother have been wrestling again.

I've started drinking more tea than coffee. Who am I??? I have always loved coffee. Tea, right now, just feels homier and more comforting. And since I was gifted a tea-monkey (it's a tea strainer shaped like a wee monkey and it's arms grip the sides of the cup!) I've been drinking loose tea.
But tonight is all about a straight tea bag of lemon zinger in an old cup, pyjamas, and going to bed early.

My brain, she is tired.